I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
