New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
