After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
