she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
