we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
