Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
