remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
