You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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