I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
