this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
