Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
How's work?
Spinning.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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