i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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