Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I need to sanitize my soul.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
