i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Randomize
