its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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