Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
