just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
