So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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