my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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