i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
