She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
