Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
