they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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