I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
