How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
