i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I will pee on everything he values.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
