the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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