If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize