Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
