I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
