i wish semen tasted like chocolate
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
