I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
