And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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