and next time when you feel me up, do it right
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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