a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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