4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
