does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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