I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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