nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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