Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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