Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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