And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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