I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
