My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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