today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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