Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
farters have to be the big spoon...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
