did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
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It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
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Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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