yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
