it hurts more in the daytime
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
All the doctor said was why
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
