he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
