Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
