I bet he comes in French.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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