Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
