Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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