My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
