i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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