I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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