do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize