It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
