Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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