My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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