I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
