Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
