drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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