I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
