It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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