This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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