I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
