He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
