i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
