I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
