I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
