The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
