this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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