You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
